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By Michelle Brandon
He was intent on filing his story on time, leaving the
office by 5 p.m. and the ballgame on TV.
But his editor said yesterday she scheduled him to work the late shift.
So he sat for hours in front of the old, IBM computer and listened to the scratchy,
police scanner.
Thank goodness he only had to work one night a month.
He, along with other features reporters, say they dread filling in on the overnight
shift.
Where to begin …
Those five sentences illustrate the ''Five Grammar Points You Meet in Hell,'' as
outlined at the Hollywood ACES conference by Jane Harrigan, director of the journalism
program at the University of New Hampshire.
| ''THE FIVE GRAMMAR POINTS YOU MEET IN HELL,'' presented by Jane Harrigan, University
of New Hampshire |
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The first problem is parallelism in a series. In the
first sentence we’ve got filing, leaving and …. something other than a gerund.
It’s an easy fix: He was intent on filing his story on time, leaving the office by
5 p.m. and watching the ballgame on TV.
But there are other issues with parallelism that frequently come up in copy.
As a handout from Harrigan indicates, there should be parallelism with correlative
conjunctions, such as either/or.
• Not parallel: The general said the rebels had
been either killed in the shelling or in the revolt that followed.
• Parallel: The general said the rebels had been killed either in the shelling or
in the revolt that followed.
The question isn’t whether the rebels had been killed but under what circumstance.
Comparisons also should be parallel.
• Not parallel: Like my mother, overeating comes
easily to me.
• Parallel: Like my mother, I find it easy to overeat.
You aren’t comparing your mother to overeating; you’re comparing her to yourself.
Some others:
Parallelism with coordinating conjunctions, such as and or but, to
connect equal ideas.
• Not parallel: After becoming a partner, the lawyer
began working more but enjoyed work less.
• Parallel: After becoming a partner, the lawyer began working more but enjoying
work less.
Parallelism with prepositions.
• Not parallel: The jewelry includes pieces inspired
and reproduced from the queen’s collection.
• Parallel: The jewelry includes pieces inspired by and reproduced from the queen’s
collection.
Verb tense is the issue with the second sentence. As Harrigan explained, we should
use the past perfect tense in this situation because, although both actions happened
in the past, one was completed before the other began.
To correct the sentence, we need to insert the word “had”: But his editor said yesterday
she had scheduled him to work the late shift.
Now let’s tackle the third sentence: So he sat for hours in front of the old,
IBM computer and listened to the scratchy, police scanner.
Here we have two cases of cumulative adjectives, which modify the noun together,
not individually.
Cumulative adjectives don’t require commas; you wouldn’t say the “old and IBM computer”
or the “scratchy and police scanner.”
Moving on. The fourth sentence contains an error that copy editors encounter every
day: the misplaced modifier.
Thank goodness he only had to work one night
a month.
“Only” doesn’t modify the word “had.” It modifies “one,” so let’s put the modifier
and the object as close as we can: Thank goodness he had to work only one night
a month.
The fifth and final sentence contains another affront to copy editors everywhere:
subject-verb and pronoun-antecedent disagreement.
He, along with other features reporters, say they dread filling in on the overnight
shift.
The subject of the sentence (he) is singular and requires a singular verb and
singular pronoun.
Try this fix: He, along with other features reporters, says he dreads filling in
on the overnight shift. Singular subject, singular verbs, singular pronoun.
Or this one: He and other features reporters say they dread filling in on the overnight
shift. Plural subject, plural verbs, plural pronoun.
And here’s how our edited version reads:
He was intent on filing his story on time, leaving the office by 5 p.m. and watching
the ballgame on TV.
But his editor said yesterday she had scheduled him to work the late shift.
So he sat for hours in front of the old IBM computer and listened to the scratchy
police scanner.
Thank goodness he had to work only one night a month.
He and other features reporters say they dread filling in on the overnight shift.
Michelle Brandon is a senior copy editor for the Daily Herald in suburban Chicago
and is a frequent ACES contributor.
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